5 First Message Strategies That Get Responses on Dating Apps
5 First Message Strategies That Get Responses on Dating Apps
The first message is your digital first impression. It sets the tone for everything that follows and can make the difference between getting a response or being ignored. Here are five strategies that actually work:
1. The Photo-Based Observation
Look at their photos for something interesting or unique - not just their appearance. Maybe they're at a concert you recognize, have an interesting hobby visible, or are in a location you love.
Example: "Is that photo taken at Horseshoe Bend? I did that hike last summer and almost passed out from the heat. Worth it though!"
Why it works: It shows you paid attention to their profile beyond just swiping on their face, and gives them an easy conversation topic to respond to.
2. The Shared Interest Question
Find something in their bio or photos that you genuinely share an interest in, and ask a specific question about it.
Example: "I see you're into rock climbing too. Have you tried the new bouldering gym downtown? I've been wanting to check it out."
Why it works: You're establishing common ground and asking something that requires more than a yes/no answer.
3. The Playful Hypothetical
A light, fun question that shows your personality while making it easy for them to respond.
Example: "Important life question: If you could only eat one breakfast food for the rest of your life, what would you choose? I'm a waffle guy myself, but I respect the pancake position."
Why it works: It's low-pressure, shows your playful side, and invites them to share a bit about themselves.
4. The Genuinely Curious Comment
Show interest in something specific from their profile that made you curious.
Example: "Your bio mentions you're a part-time dog whisperer. I need to know more about this superpower. Do you have a success story?"
Why it works: It's personalized, shows you read their profile, and expresses genuine curiosity about who they are.
5. The Confident Direct Approach
Sometimes, straightforward works best when done with confidence.
Example: "Your profile made me smile. I'd love to chat over coffee sometime if we hit it off here. How's your week going?"
Why it works: It shows confidence without being pushy, sets a casual tone, and ends with an easy-to-answer question.
What to Avoid
- Generic openers like "hey" or "how's your day?" (too low effort)
- Physical compliments in the first message (comes across as shallow)
- Copy-pasted messages (people can tell)
- Overly sexual or forward comments (respect boundaries)
- Super long messages (save something for the conversation)
Remember that the goal of a first message isn't to impress them with your wit or to get a date immediately. It's simply to start a conversation that feels easy and interesting enough that they want to reply.
Need help crafting the perfect opening line? Try Composed's AI-powered messaging assistant designed specifically for dating app conversations.